While in isolation on my little new found isle out in the sea, the question arose in my thoughts, “What is the most important thing to you right now and why aren`t you paying any attention to it?” it was as though something struck me and I suddenly came to a realization or self-consciousness. I realize that all along I have been doing everything in life except the most important thing to me. As I watched the sun slowly deposit itself into the pocket of cloud never to be seen again, I sadly recall all my dreams and passions and how I always wanted to live my life as a writer and embalmer. My love for the dead and my passion for writing has lost their sweet savour only because I have not taken the time to cultivate the flower in order for it to bring forth the fruit; like it is often said "you can`t reap what you never sew."
Jamaica is no place for flowering talents and that is why many people ran away as soon as they got the chance to. There is no help and no motivation for someone searching for success in life in this environment. It is a tough challenge for you to keep your head above the waters and try to save yourself from drowning. All you do is break your back to make an overtime dollar which can only stretch from hand to mouth. The economy of Jamaica is systematically designed to keep you poor so you don`t get the chance to invest in yourself and your future for a better life tomorrow. I admit it, yes I did blew my chances at acquiring some educational achievements at school but I thought that some day not too late I would be able to create that opportunity to make up for it; yet to date it`s like trying bring a sinking ship to shore with a rope.
I often heard that if you start doing something you love then you will not have to work another day in your life. God knows how much I am dying for that day to come when I can live my life as a writer and never worry about waking up to a miserable job. I am tired of blaming circumstances for me not being able to live the kind of life I wanted, I need to find solutions that work for me. I don`t think I am doing enough or else the results would show. If the testimony of others I read is true then I must believe that I can do it just the same.
I will continue to dream only if I don`t wake up to live the reality. I thank God that he has brought me here today to write whatever it is that is wrong with my life. To realize that there is after all a life out there waiting for me to live, instead of coercing myself to live this life where it seems i`m dying daily.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Led by the Holy spirit after a bad day
They say that in life, you will never know what another person felt until you actually experience the real situation. Well, today I actually experience how it really feels to have a bad day at work, it was so bad that all i wanted to do was just to quit and go home. I just started my new job at KFC about five weeks ago and believe me, if I weren`t poor and broke I would have quit and stayed home until I find something more compatible with my lifestyle.
I was dying for this day to be over. I cried to God in my heart and when my hour had come I was led by the Holy Spirit to a tranquil place. I was in no condition to go home. Tired and depressed as I was, I could not take me home to my wife today because I figured I had been quite unfair enough to her already, all those other days when I threw my bitter wrath in her face because I was depressed or disappointed about a situation in my life. Today I decided to let go and let God do for me what I or no one else could not do for myself. I felt like John on the Isle Of Patmos this evening because I found myself all alone out in the sea just waiting for the Lord to reveal something special to me. For someone like me who is tired and depressed and at times even suicidal and not only wish I could quit this job but also this life; what better place to be than away from this world which is making me sick; on the rock of life out in the calm blue Caribbean sea with the evening sun about to retire and the warmth of the evening breeze just soothes my soul.
I turned off the ringing from my cell phone and pretend there is no signal so that nobody can disrupt this sweet, blissful meditative moment. Then I took out my notepad and remembered that I use to be a writer and that each day of my life always writes its own sentence and these years are the paragraphs, but then I also wondered what my life will be like when it is complete. And so now I began to write all that you have been reading from above and all that you will read hereafter. I just write and write and write without a cause for a cause, because even though the professionals may call this free-writing but I believe there is a message in this type of writing that the writer will not understand until he`s finished. On my way from work I had so much on my mind that I wanted to write soon as the Lord brought me to my place of rest but all that had disappeared by the time I got settle here but I guess it`s all part of the healing process of being here.
You know, life is so much different out here and you also see things differently. Adjacent to me is a beach where people are having fun with themselves. Immediately behind me is the main thoroughfare of Gloucester avenue otherwise called the ‘Hip Strip’ with hotels and restaurants along the roadway. All the way yonder and posing in front of me like a little island is Montego Freeport which is the destination of all ships to Montego Bay but right now there`s only two cargo ships docking at the wharf. Everything just seem so miniature in sight from here and I am convinced that the Lord brought me here for a special reason and it feels so good even after a bad day, and all i`m doing is just writing away without fear or favor or any care of what`s happening out there because I am in my own world now. I asked for an escape and the Lord led me here as a means to break free from that troubled world. I have no money, no friends, no family, no material possession, except for my pen, my notepad and a prayer in my heart asking the Lord to take all my troubles away and throw them as far as possible to the bottom of the sea and thanking him for all that he has done for me and all he is doing now.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen.
Below are photo highlights which i would like to share with you:
a view from the rocky island out in the sea looking on Gloucester Avenue with its luxurious hotels and restaurants
the sun is slowly disappearing behind the clouds and it makes the evening feels so warm as you can see by the look of the sea and clouds
I was dying for this day to be over. I cried to God in my heart and when my hour had come I was led by the Holy Spirit to a tranquil place. I was in no condition to go home. Tired and depressed as I was, I could not take me home to my wife today because I figured I had been quite unfair enough to her already, all those other days when I threw my bitter wrath in her face because I was depressed or disappointed about a situation in my life. Today I decided to let go and let God do for me what I or no one else could not do for myself. I felt like John on the Isle Of Patmos this evening because I found myself all alone out in the sea just waiting for the Lord to reveal something special to me. For someone like me who is tired and depressed and at times even suicidal and not only wish I could quit this job but also this life; what better place to be than away from this world which is making me sick; on the rock of life out in the calm blue Caribbean sea with the evening sun about to retire and the warmth of the evening breeze just soothes my soul.
I turned off the ringing from my cell phone and pretend there is no signal so that nobody can disrupt this sweet, blissful meditative moment. Then I took out my notepad and remembered that I use to be a writer and that each day of my life always writes its own sentence and these years are the paragraphs, but then I also wondered what my life will be like when it is complete. And so now I began to write all that you have been reading from above and all that you will read hereafter. I just write and write and write without a cause for a cause, because even though the professionals may call this free-writing but I believe there is a message in this type of writing that the writer will not understand until he`s finished. On my way from work I had so much on my mind that I wanted to write soon as the Lord brought me to my place of rest but all that had disappeared by the time I got settle here but I guess it`s all part of the healing process of being here.
You know, life is so much different out here and you also see things differently. Adjacent to me is a beach where people are having fun with themselves. Immediately behind me is the main thoroughfare of Gloucester avenue otherwise called the ‘Hip Strip’ with hotels and restaurants along the roadway. All the way yonder and posing in front of me like a little island is Montego Freeport which is the destination of all ships to Montego Bay but right now there`s only two cargo ships docking at the wharf. Everything just seem so miniature in sight from here and I am convinced that the Lord brought me here for a special reason and it feels so good even after a bad day, and all i`m doing is just writing away without fear or favor or any care of what`s happening out there because I am in my own world now. I asked for an escape and the Lord led me here as a means to break free from that troubled world. I have no money, no friends, no family, no material possession, except for my pen, my notepad and a prayer in my heart asking the Lord to take all my troubles away and throw them as far as possible to the bottom of the sea and thanking him for all that he has done for me and all he is doing now.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen.
Below are photo highlights which i would like to share with you:
 |
| you are looking at Margaritaville hanging over in the sea along Gloucester Avenue |
alone out here on this rocky island. i felt like John on the Isle of Patmos
this is the party boat.
it is a very relaxing and meditative feeling to watch the sunset. this is one of the the true beauty of nature
 |
| a view of where i was out on the far end of the rocks in the sea. way over yonder is the Montego Freeport with two cargo ships on dock |
 |
| sailing away in the sunset |
 |
| this is where lovers come to relax and have each other for themselves |
 |
| the beach is never empty when in Montego Bay |
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Just Pure Stress - J.P.S
A Just Pure Stress
That is J.P.S
Right now me vex
Cause guess what`s coming next
Another light bill, with payment amounting
In excess of the highest
A just pure stress
J.P.S when, you ago hit me again?
With another high voltage bill
To electrocute me and my family
So we can`t eat food until
We relieve ourselves by paying for
Just Pure Stress
J.P.S you are bitter-sweet
Sweet to have the light and electricity
Yes, it is a luxury. But,
The amount that I will have to pay for it
That is what is bothering me
It is bitter, whenever I see the number
And I don`t even want to recount because
Is just pure stress, that is J.P.S
I need a reliever because
I don`t know how long
I can bear this pressure
I am not alone I thought
Everyone is feeling the wrath
That J.P.S has unleash
Both rich and poor is crying
They can`t take it anymore
A Just Pure Stress from J.P.S
Need I say more? Because,
I could go on and on until
My throat is sore
Fortunately for me
This ink is free
Because it would bring
Just Pure Stress if J.P.S
Was to bill me
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